Thank You For Being Apathetic, My Sweet Universe

by The State Dept.

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released June 16, 2017

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The State Dept. Belen, New Mexico

Just making music to kill time and my emotions

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Track Name: Long Live The New Flesh!
I wish I was cool enough for you.
I wish I was both brand new and abused,
then maybe I could fit into your frame of view,
then maybe I would be cool enough for you.
I'll just continue to live life like I'm use to.
You can around feeling down and confused,
but I won't be there for you.

I promise I'll let you down again,
disappoint all your expectations,
I'll pull you close, just to joke,
to confirm my suspicions.

I'll deny myself every right,
just to pine for you at night.
Tell myself it's my fault,
to feel the guilt inside.
I'm sorry to have wasted your time,
I said some things but you lived the lie.

Maybe that was my downfall after all,
hiding behind walls,
reading your messages but ignoring your calls.

I can't help but feel so..
Track Name: Sighing
I feel like I'm losing everything,
and I'm stressing over anything.
I can't get any sleep,
I lay awake missing things,
like waking up to a cold morning,
or closing your eyes after staring at the sun
to relive the memory.
I wish I was your poetry,
I wish this was a dream.

You biting your bottom lip,
isn't helping me out a bit.
Your eyes are making my words trip,
I'm trying to stay on point,
but it's hard not to miss.

I was sleeping on the couches,
then I moved to the floors,
now I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
I'm trying to make it by,
and do what I love and somehow survive.

I'm trying to be a better person than yesterday,
but in my stomach, I still feel knots,
still have these thoughts,
but I don't know what to do or say.
Maybe if I started this earlier,
more of my loved ones would have stayed.
Track Name: Terrance Peterson, My Monkey Flashlight Keychain
I swear it was easier to breath,
with a cigarettes between my lips.
So now I'm chewing on my fingertips wondering,
were you expecting a chase from me?
I'm sorry I can hardly chase my dreams,
sometimes you can't force things.
I'm done with waiting and wasting
on people who can only say they care.

You always seem to forget,
all the times that I couldn't.
But you always seem to remember,
every time I'm out of favors.

I said I'm sorry,
I'm so sick of hearing my own apologies.
I've always taken responsibility,
that's the difference between you and me.

I'm living in a world where all it's faults are my own.
Maybe you left,
maybe I quit,
maybe I turned to a ghost.
Everyone's so perfect
when you're perfectly alone.
Track Name: First It Controls Your Mind, Then It Destroys Your Body
Can I be who you want?
Maybe I should just stop.
Stop breathing or speaking
in your general direction.
Don't worry I got the message.
I can't make you love me,
and I'm done trying,
so when you're lonely and ready,
I'll be waiting for you to use me.

Misery loves company,
but I'm always alone,
and I'm hardly happy
unless you're the one who makes me miserable.

I'm tearing out my hair,
pulling out my teeth,
wondering what you've done to me.
Wondering how you sleep,
wondering what lies you're telling,
and if they're the ones you told to me.
I'm just lost in my thoughts just wandering,
I'm always overthinking.
Track Name: You Look Really Cool, Hiroki
You don't come over anymore,
you don't come around like you used to.
I've spending more time alone,
I wonder if it's the same for you.

Maybe it's my fault for being a ghost,
I got so habitual to being alone,
but that's hardly an excuse for being so cold.

With you,
it didn't feel so bad being alive,
but I guess it's not so bad now,
I've always felt like dying.
I know it's my fault
for the lack of trying.